when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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