i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She needs sedatives and a leash
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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