I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
did you just send me my own nude
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
