Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
