I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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