sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
