genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
