i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
