I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
