I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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