I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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