Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
