about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
the raccoons are back...
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