Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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