i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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