Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Drake has all the answers
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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