So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
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I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
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Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up