i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.