Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.