does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
