i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
