My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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