Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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