please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
