I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
