I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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