I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize