it hurts more in the daytime
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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