At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
she pinky promised me she was 18
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
