Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
