you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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