Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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