Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
