I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
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so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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