do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
