I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
