Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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