i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
