I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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