member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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