he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
