just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
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Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
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Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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