babies were throwing up all over the place
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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