so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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