I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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