Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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