I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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