He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
