I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Randomize
