I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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