there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize