I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
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