would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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