My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
