what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize