omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i dont even know how to be here
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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