WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
