he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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