i just sent this text using only my big toe
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
