I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
