What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
